7-4-9 ill miss you .

i remember the christmas you asked me to sing you a song. i sang. you cried.

a year later you asked me to sing again... i didnt. i regret it..

that christmas was the last christmas of your life.

soo many times i could have spent with you but instead spent them doing other things that now seem like a waste of time.

i wish i would have sang to you grandma. im sorry.

i wish i would have came to see you befor you died ...

im sorry for not being the best granddaughter i could. i know i could have done better.

i should have been there for you ..

your funeral.. i cried.. i tried to hold it back.. i couldnt..

the day of my family reuinion-- you died. i was soo selfish.. i could have been there with you ..

praying for you to get better. sometimes prayers dont work.

i want you to know grandma i love you and i miss you ..

if only you were alive.. i wonder if you will be proud of the adault i grow up to be..

you are the most amazing woman. always so brave. i couldnt have dont half the things you did,

i love you grandma and i hope to see you again someday ..

s/w

What changed? why today ... so many question i ask that remain unanswered,, what makes me so appealing today ,, did something change overnight ,, or is it just the fact that you realized i can live without you .. with someone else.. someone who actually wants me. UGHH boys. like they say -- cant live with them cant live without them , but then again im glad i have these two guys, both have broken my heart repeatedly. only live life once so forgive quickly but never forget. learn from the mistakes and pain and try to remember the next time befor you fall into the hands of the same situation that broke you last time,. i wonder sometimes at night if he knows how much i truly love him, how much im depending on him to keep my heart alive. seth on the other hand,, he is the best friend i could ever ask for. he has been here for me through all the hard times and enjoyed the good ones we shared.

Adam, the man i love and want to spend the rest of my life with,, yes you have hurt me,, repeatedly . making it hurt even worse every time it happens.i love you so much i wouldnt trade you for anything in the world. i rely on you every morning to know you love me and that you are mine, that is what keeps me going, right now im in pain, it gets hared and harder to do the simple things. like breathing. its like the air burns my lungs as my heart beats heavy and slow pushing blood through my body keeping me alive.

adam you mean the world to me and i could never let you go so please next time you are with me,, hold me like your never letting go . kiss me like it may be the last. tell me you love me like those are your last words. without you .. idk where i would be today , but i garantee i would not be in love with an incredible guy that i love more than life itself today .