7-4-9 ill miss you .

i remember the christmas you asked me to sing you a song. i sang. you cried.

a year later you asked me to sing again... i didnt. i regret it..

that christmas was the last christmas of your life.

soo many times i could have spent with you but instead spent them doing other things that now seem like a waste of time.

i wish i would have sang to you grandma. im sorry.

i wish i would have came to see you befor you died ...

im sorry for not being the best granddaughter i could. i know i could have done better.

i should have been there for you ..

your funeral.. i cried.. i tried to hold it back.. i couldnt..

the day of my family reuinion-- you died. i was soo selfish.. i could have been there with you ..

praying for you to get better. sometimes prayers dont work.

i want you to know grandma i love you and i miss you ..

if only you were alive.. i wonder if you will be proud of the adault i grow up to be..

you are the most amazing woman. always so brave. i couldnt have dont half the things you did,

i love you grandma and i hope to see you again someday ..

s/w

What changed? why today ... so many question i ask that remain unanswered,, what makes me so appealing today ,, did something change overnight ,, or is it just the fact that you realized i can live without you .. with someone else.. someone who actually wants me. UGHH boys. like they say -- cant live with them cant live without them , but then again im glad i have these two guys, both have broken my heart repeatedly. only live life once so forgive quickly but never forget. learn from the mistakes and pain and try to remember the next time befor you fall into the hands of the same situation that broke you last time,. i wonder sometimes at night if he knows how much i truly love him, how much im depending on him to keep my heart alive. seth on the other hand,, he is the best friend i could ever ask for. he has been here for me through all the hard times and enjoyed the good ones we shared.

Adam, the man i love and want to spend the rest of my life with,, yes you have hurt me,, repeatedly . making it hurt even worse every time it happens.i love you so much i wouldnt trade you for anything in the world. i rely on you every morning to know you love me and that you are mine, that is what keeps me going, right now im in pain, it gets hared and harder to do the simple things. like breathing. its like the air burns my lungs as my heart beats heavy and slow pushing blood through my body keeping me alive.

adam you mean the world to me and i could never let you go so please next time you are with me,, hold me like your never letting go . kiss me like it may be the last. tell me you love me like those are your last words. without you .. idk where i would be today , but i garantee i would not be in love with an incredible guy that i love more than life itself today .

To :: the One I Fell For .

Dear You : Everytime I Get Close, You Get Pulled Away .

The Only Feeling worse than this is losing you

this isnt losing you because i know you will come back to me.

but just letting you go for a short period of time like this also sucks

I want you in my arms for life .

No Promises Now Vows .

Just us together and knowing the unsaid swear that we will always be together and i know that we will be because I Believe that you are my one and only and that we were made for eachother.

you make me the person i am today and my feelings for you will never change.

This song. Breakeven means alot to me,. because it feels like when you left you took more of my heart and left less or yours.

You will keep mine forever because you are the only person i am willing to give it to .

I LOVE YOU WITH ALL MY HEART

forever && always

_________________________________________________________________-

ADAM -- I miss you .

i really dont know what to do witout you .

idk how i let you go again,

i survived..im surviving..ill survive..

and im not forgeting. but i do forgive.

i let go but never pull away

When you called i had no idea what to say

i was shocked , promises that you wouldnt go back and all the hapiness of having you in my arms being ripped away from me all in the same day .

losing everything,,, you are my everything.

I Wont Forget. But i will frgive,

you aer worth every tear that ever runs down my cheek and ever moment sadness that ever overcomes me,

Its all worth being yours forever and knowing i have the love and care of a guy who i consider to be the most amazing person alive.\

nobody could ever take your place. so im not even gonna let them try

yeah all of this hurts alot but it worth every second knowing one day we will be back in eachothers arms and things will be back to normal.

you are my one and only adam and i wouldnt be with you still if i didnt love you

I Put on this smile. to cover up everything that isnt good,

I put this smile on over all the pain and go through the day

people -- so ignorant- cant tell the difference from my true smile to my fake one.

WhenYouLoveSomeone-Dont

about a year ago i dated a guy named Sam-

he was mine.

i dont still love him

loved him

dont love him today wont love him tomorrow

he left me, never loved me.

doesnt love me.

and deffinatly wont change his mind tomorrow

Unwanted. Unloved & Used,

those 3 things put together can really change you

make you feel like less of a person even when u thought u were as low as it got.

What Do You Do When It Feels Like Everything finally started to feel right then it was torn away from you just as easily as it came .. but 100x more painful.

if ur thinking about loving someone or letting someone love you -

take my advice :: DONT,

when everything is over and done with you will wish you listened to me.

my advice is something you will want to remember always,

I now wish i knew what i know now,

and didnt let myself fall for a guy who lied and tricked me into believing i might actually be good enough for someone to love

that i wasnt just a broken toy, waiting to be trown away and destroyed.

that i was fixable and i could be put back into place where i belonged.

He made me feel loved.

he made me feel wanted.

like i was something special- knowing this whole time in the back of my head i wasnt,

but listening to only what he said and not my brain

letting my heart take over and numb my thoughts to a dull sound only heard when the heart shuts up,

Walking through those halls at school for yet another day will be just as painful-if not worse.

Sam WAS something special .

im not sure if it was all just one big joke to him or if he really at some point in time cared.

i guess i will never truly know.

if he ever needs anything i will always be here for him nomatter what happens

or what will happen in the future.

i think im too nice.

Seth-

He is still here for me.

i wonder if me and sam will ever Be as Close as me and seth are.

he is and always will be-- my big brother

I trust him with my life.

he and adam are the only people i can say that about,

no matter what happens between us i know he will always be there for me when i need him.

&& i will always be there for him too

_ what else are little sisters for ? _

Adam -

he is the one, i can tell by the sparks the rush through my skin every time he touches me, and everytime his lips touch mine he makes my heart pound like it is a cages animal wanting out.

does he know how much i love him. ??

that i would kill to spend every day of my life laying in his arms.

where i know im wanted and loved by the most amazing guy ever.

adam you are my world never forget it.

NEVER ::

1. listen to a guy who promises you everything you know he wont fallow through with.
2. dont love.
3. if u brake rule 2 then make it worth it and love with no regrets.

Peice of advice.

What is the difference between real and fake?

that small imaginary line that takes but a second to cross over into the land of non-fiction

that edge can be crossed over so easily the truth can be changed to a lie with justa c ouple of small words

people can say i love you and that could be changed by one word to make it true.

i DONT love you.

the word guys always forget to add

When you know your telling to truth guys dont believe you because they know love isnt true

girls create this lie in their heads about "love"

how it can be found and sparks fly and